we were standing. so close, i could hear his breath my hands touching his, my shoulders touching his chest. i could feel a desire, an urge in my entire body "i want to hug you, can i hug you? " without even asking, without waiting for a reply i wrapped my arms around him,
it felt surreal, it felt like a dream a dream i have been holding in my eyes so long that it often overflowed with the tears
you know how people usually say
that they felt butterflies and fireworks around them
while experiencing something mesmerising, something dreamy
that day i knew how you can feel butterflies in your tummy
and fireworks in your heart everything all at once
it was the moment i hugged him,
i hold him in my arms
It felt like home.
i felt like i was wandering for a long time,
and in that moment having him in my arms,
i felt home
i felt rested.
my body felt like soaking in the sun,
feeling those sun rays after a stormy weather.
Can i hold your hand? i said
fuck, you look so good.
his eyes looked gorgeously bright,
and when he smiled
the curves of his smile felt like a soft cushion
under my cheeks
it feels unreal , unbelievably amazing
how can someone’s presence comfort you so much
just by looking at you.
The touch, so gentle
it felt like a soft kiss has been brushed all over your body,
like a feather moving on your body.
it felt like a dream coming true
the dream you saw with open eyes
while looking at their picture on an afternoon.
you know the moment
where everything just starts to make sense
like the puzzle that was unresolved till now
Unravelled itself.
Can i hug you? i asked
i need to go, he said
please, just a little longer
i sit there, having him in my arms,
brushing my fingers in his hairs,
to all over his neck, you have a mole here? i said.
hearing my breath, rhyming perfectly with his.
i need to go, he said. again.
No, not yet. i said,
caressing my hand on his back
taking it all over to his hairs, his ears, his eyes.
stroking his cheeks with my hands
leaving a soft kiss,
i whispered in his ear: Don’t go.
i need to
Don’t go, i kept saying.
he held my face, looking me in the eye
"i'll come back, but i need to go now"
okay, i said
Hugging him harder.
my heart felt being ripped layer by layer
on its own while seeing him leaving.
part of me wanted to say:
take me with you.
but i didn’t , i couldn’t
i hugged him one last time
my legs refused to move
i wanted to stay there, just like this
it felt perfect.
i could feel tears rolling down my cheeks
and with a sad face and heavy heart
i said goodbye, came back
and tucked myself in bed.
hands on my comforter, looking at ceiling,
i started another war in my mind
"what if he had stayed? what if? "