So recently I went to meet a friend, a special one. He handed me a gift despite denying it 100 times. He somehow convinced me to take it.
If you don't know then let me tell you I am the kind of person who feels really awkward when someone gifts something to me. So I simply deny that I am sorry but I don't want it. I do appreciate it, but I can't take it.
Because I don't know how to react when the person is giving me something. I get so overwhelmed that I just go blank. I don't know how to express that I am really grateful for this, for you. That how much this means to me, how much you mean to me.
I don't know what to say except "thank you so much". But these words feel very little and kind of unfair to the other person. But I don't know anything else except this one so I have to settle with this one every time.
Sometimes I think maybe I am built like that, when my heart is full, no words seem relevant to me to express what I am feeling, what I am thinking. Did I tell you that my heart is pounding with happiness or did I tell you my entire body is feeling like it's resting on a comfortable horizontal space even when I am standing and talking to you.
I fear the words might ruin what I am feeling or may not be able to describe the feeling fully which is even worse.
So again I have to settle with silence only.
So when this person gave this gift to me, which was a little device which is used to track things down, I mean if you attach it to something or carry it with you, you can always know where it is. I am not explaining every detail as I don't want it to be a tech review. Anyways you got the gist of what the gift was. quite a useful right? I know.
So if you are a normal person you will just use it for the purpose it is designed to solve, and that's great. It should be like that.
But I and my mind are like nu-uhh, we ain't settling for anything normal.
So when I came back home, I opened it and kept thinking about why he would give me this, what was the thought behind it.
As the person who gifted me this is very dear to me, my heart wasn't ready to agree that the gift was given just to solve the purpose. It can't be, it just can't be.
There is a lot more attached to it.
Maybe the person hadn't even put this much thought before giving it to me, but I surely did as usual.
And maybe it's not about the gift at all, it's about the person. Be it a paper or pen or any giant teddy, we always try to link every part of them to this piece we are currently holding in our hands.
It can be the connection, it can be the reminder, it can be anything that you are trying to relate with, you are trying to find in.
So I kept thinking but I couldn't find the perfect words to put my thoughts on paper, to tell you what I am feeling. But perfect or not I decided to write about it anyway. Let them ruin it.
Sometimes the ordinary words tell the most unordinary stories.
For me having this gift was like possessing a part of him that will always remind me of him. The one I will always carry with me no matter where I am. Even if that person is not with me, something related to him is present with me.
And if someday I get lost, it will help me to guide me back home.
Thank you, YOU.